[ High School and Self-Education Board ]
Posted by Happy on 10:35 Sep 5
In Reply to: Can I get some grading help (writing)? posted by Pamela
First of all, I fully second the IEW recommendation. Varied sentence structure and strong, vivid words work wonders on a piece of writing.
What feels funny to you may be the lack of cohesive organization. The sentences and topics are jumbled and out of order. A good rewrite will help. Taking out 'I' words will make the pieces stronger, as well.
I see a topic sentence of sorts in #1 and #3. The topic sentence is completely obscured in #2. lol
Here's a hands on way to illustrate topic and supporting sentences. Make a mobile. Use a coat hanger and place a strip of paper on it with the topic sentence. Dangling from strings will be the supporting ideas. Do all the ideas match or support the topic sentence? If not, remove and add something else.
Let these pieces rest for several days. Then have the dc go back and correct punctuation, mis-spellings, and revise for style. It takes practice to revise for style, so you may have to work with them for a time.
Keep them writing, reading, and re-writing!!!!